It has been one of those mornings...no one of those weeks. Self pity, woe is me, a bit of hopelessness. Tears, anger, frustrations. Reading scripture, crying my eyes out, feeling alone, reading more, feeling hope, KNOWING that this shall pass and sunshine will find its way out of the clouds but the lump never really leaving the chest and the eyes never really totally drying.
I am feeling abit overwhelmed lately. I always felt like I was on the right path and that path would stay fairly straight because basically I always did the right things. Little did I know that when I lost my job a year ago would I be put on this most creative bumpy, lumpy, windy path with such a vague map to follow. Now I'm pretty spiritually minded, but am not one of those people who seem to effortlessly hear God's voice and follow the map that was designed just for them. When I found myself jobless I felt the door closing but I did feel another opening and still do. I found myself praying heavily some days asking for concise direction and I would not by coincidence find an email with an order or an email from a woman who admired my work and needed encouragement to find her creative side, or an accepted submission for a magazine on the very same day. Ok God, I KNOW I'm supposed to be traveling this creative road but the time has come where I need to find a job and make some money. It's not like I'm asking for a job with a lot of money attached, I'm not. I'm not asking for an important job telling people what to do all day. I'm not! Just something to help pay the bills, feed the tummies and maybe even keep the house!
Ok my pitty party is over and done with for the rest of the day. I will not even go back to the job sites again today. I think I will paint instead!